Bewilderness
26th Aug 2011
I nipped project in the bud yesterday which i started trying in May straight after Dandelion. After getting really close on my 4th session. Dropping the upper move after the hideous crux it basically escalated into mental war. I took it on in my happy, don't give a shit period, after doing Dandelion but it rapidly became more and consumed all the joy from that and belittled it. I've never dropped a problem after the crux in such a state before either. I just found myself there and wasn't quite ready for it. many sessions later, after not getting through that move it was really bugging me. And i could see my year disappearing infront of me. May, June went. July i left it and only went twice in perfect conditions. It didn't help. I stopped running and hit the board undercutting it left right and center like a midget boxer. Then after a long week back in Cumbria and some specific training on my systems board I came back armed with a secret weapon. Staintons strongest, Dave Jones. So with fresh muscles and Marra psyche we hit the crag. Both of us got ridiculously close to our projects. Dave was consistently getting to the last hard move of Dandelion, looking really solid. This was a good spur to stop mooching and try and find another gear. That day i got very close to the crux and just got unlucky on a few things. Dave got smote by the nearliness too. We Chilled out and trained/ pottered for the rest of the week. Saturday was a non starter for me as conditions were awful. But in the distance i'd sighted the rarest of things, a freak easterly brought on by the rain covering the south. Easterlies whip right into badger and make it alot more pleasant to be there and try really hard. Tuesday came and a pre match day meal at Zeugmas. I had a clear head and no stress, just the desire to do myself justice and to see this mind-leech off.
It's called Bewilderness to carry on the Bill Bailey theme
And it feels like it should be pretty safe at 8B+ unless easier beta is found for the crux. I've also got pics of the holds so if they ever change i'll know. For me personally it has been the hardest thing i've ever done, but much of that has been mental and i didn't have much margin when i did it yesterday, i snatched and rattled my way up it and made far too much noise.
I wrote a few things whilst trying it and i've attached an excerpt below. The rest are kind of diary ish so they'll stay with me.
My saving grace is that i always have another chance. Climbing is the best sport for this. In all other sports you can be left lamenting past screw ups for the rest of your life, you’ll never have the chance to compete in the same final twice. But the rock waits, it is always up for a fight. Or thats what your brain does to cope, it personifies the objective, it must defeat it. Where as in actual fact it is just a completely pointless bit of rock which makes up about 0.00000000000000001% of the planets land surface. It couldn’t be any less significant. Will heads turn in Dhaka or Shanghai when it is completed? No. And yet i’m happy to sacrifice so much and to pollute to travel to this blip on the planets surface. This blip now means alot to me. It is a physical manifestation of everything which has lead to my current form. If climbed it will represent what i can do on rock. I dont know if i’ll find anything like it again as finding things like this is harder than climbing them, history tells me i will and that this will be digested by my rat and diluted into a grey water of emotions stemming from all the colour in me now. Do i care about the time it takes me? no. Could i have climbed it already? yes i’m sure there’s a happy version of me in one of Hugh Everetts universes, there’s probably a few. Can i see past all that? yes but its hard to break down all these components and find a good solid reason as to why this blip of rock now has so much bearing on my life. I think it is only because i have tasted success on it only to be knocked back that my hackles are up and a vendetta has been born. It fights well too, well enough for me to need a break from it. My left arm is tearing itself up on the crux. I shouldn’t have tried it yesterday but obsession brought me back to it seeking release from its clutches, i just want to have a beer and a curry without feeling guilty...
Contributed by: Dan Varian
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